Slow people should be illegal

Just got back from my grandparents house... I went there after school today. Was good to see them again, and also just be somewhere else for the evening. It's feeling kinda lonely around here, most of my friends are gone up at camp... that or they are really busy. Right now I really wish I could be up at camp with everyone, but when I think about it... While I'm home here, there's a chance for me to really focus on praying and just trying to draw closer to God. Lately I've been doing a terrible job of giving my life over to God. There are so many areas of sin in my daily life that I've just been ignoring, and so many days that go by without myself taking even a moment to pray or praise God out of a joyful heart. Sarah made me promise to spend a devotional time with Him at least four days this week, and so far I haven't done it once. :oS
I guess now is the only time I've got to work with... can't go back and do it over, can't go forward and do it right while I'm thinking of it...
I've been feeling really unsure of everything lately, specifically in the area of emotions. I've been going up and down so fast it's really hard to know which way is up. As with most guys I think, I like to try and control my emotions; have the emotions that I think are correct for the circumstance. But lately, I've been realizing just how much my emotional state rests on my relational state with my God. If Christianity is a crutch for weak people, then the earth does actually spin around the sun... Oh wait... it does.
There was a really awesome couple of verses that was part of the sermon yesterday... let me see if I can find it... (as a side note, some of you may find alot of what I write here very obvious... very 'old hat'. And it is... likely. But It's stuff that I struggle with daily, though it's nothing new to me.)

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love."
-Galations 5:1, 5:13

I burn with shame whenever I think of how tightly I've clung to my chains... Even in that though, slavery to sin holds no power over my life that I do not give it. Christ has set me free, yet I continually struggle with walking myself into slavery. What a strange, idea.
How many times have I felt the joy of freedom in Christ? To answer that... I could just add up the times I've forgotten about that joy and freedom. Where is my joy? Good question... but a better one is, 'where is my relationship with God?' ...where is my surrender?
God is my joy. I need You, God. I need You.

Monty Python anyone?

This crazy idiot nearly caused a head on collision with me today as I was driving home. As it was, I managed to miss him by about two inches, and sorta half succeded in avoiding the ditch. But what made me mad was that he just kept going... I would have liked to have been able to 'talk' with him.

Other then that... this week has been pretty repetitive. Wake up too early, make tea or coffee to facilitate staying awake, scrounge something for breakfast, gather things together in a frenzied, disorganized way and head out the door, arrive at the college, pay an exorbitant price to rent a rectangle of *concrete* for my car to sit on for six hours, go to class for six hours, get very hot, finish class and stroll out to my car, turn my cell phone on, throw all my stuff back into the car, and drive home as fast as I can, with the windows down, get home and drink water, have a shower just in time to notice that now it's finally cooled down and overcast, turn on my computer and check emails, eat supper, spend the evening on the computer, ponder the meaning of existance for wasps, go to bed.
Still, they've been good days. :oD I'm learning alot about the trades...

...and now I'm going to bed...

Forgot God

...my previous post, earlier this evening... There's so much emotion that's pent up inside that I need to let go of. My apologies for that post. A little while after posting it... my family did devotions as a whole, and God gently nudged me. He's the one I forgot again, in all my chaos. When will I learn that He is my only refuge? I need to spend more time with Him... I'm afraid this summer has been really hard, in so many different ways. But it's also been very incredible in many ways as well. I'm feeling totally weak, and pathetic... the perfect combo for noticing how powerful and loving God is.

G'night all,
God bless

Yes, Damn me please

Damn my pathetic attempts at humor damn my sincerity of heart damn my furtive, yet futile strivings for popularity damn my wonderfully stupid ponderings damn my faithless indecisiveness damn my disgustingly lame efforts for church damn this feeling I can't seem to relieve damn the tension this house exudes damn all the confusion I won't let go of damn my lazy passing days and damn my regret.... damn it all.
Damn me, and be done with it.

First day of the Trades Awarness course today... it went quite well. The most interesting part will likely be the job shadowing though, I still wish it didn't interfere with camp, but I'll get over it.
Now I just need to finish my math, and I'll be all set to be growed up.

Feeling crumby and excited at the same time?

Ever noticed how life sorta runs along side you, building up till it's big enough to jump you? Picture a plain guy running along, minding his own business (that's me), and - it's like a car keeping up with a train nearby- you look over to the side and there's life speeding along, keeping the pace fast, but steady. Then you notice that it's collecting stuff as it goes along... a sprained ankle here, big can of doodoo there, some weighty decisions, and maybe a few crazy events that don't really fit in... And finally, when it can't really find anymore for the moment, it jumps over and comes crashing down on the poor guy! WHAM! Ya got company... and they call it life. :o

*chuckles* okay, maybe I haven't had enough sleep lately. ;o)
I'm going to Camosun College for a two week course, starting Monday. I wasn't gonna be able to do it because it was full when I heard about it, but I was registered for it anyway, and now it seems there's a place for me. It's a trades awarness course, which should be really neat. I'll be able to take a look at all of the construction trades, and see if I really do want to be an electrician. I'm excited about it, but I'm also really disappointed... The last week of it falls on my camp Imadene week, which means I had to make a choice between camp or half the course. And since I'm paying for the course, and because it's a great oppertunity, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say no to camp. :oS I also feel bad for those who were counting on me for my part of the program team. :o I still might end up going, but only if they can't find anyone else. I hate decisions like this.

...now that I'm feeling like a terribly unreliable person... I can't think of anything else I was gonna say. :o$
I got some new work boots yesterday... for 75% off. :oO They've been sitting in Will's store for a long time, so they were marked down very much. Will says that most people don't buy size 12, which seems kinda strange. Maybe it was the price though... ;o) They're pretty much the same boots the Canadian Military uses though, so they're definately on the quality side of things. *is happy with them* :oD

OH! yes... I finally got my paintball gun. :oD *likes it very much* I feel like a more completed kid now. *grins* It's great fun, but for those who tell me that I'm much too old for toys and that I should be buying tools instead... I point to the warning on the box which says '...this is NOT a toy...'. :oD *sheepish* ANYWAY...

Off to do more school....

'No officer, I don't want to kill anyone on the sidewalk, I was just trying to share the road with that cyclist.'

I finally got to get behind the wheel again this morning, although I kinda had to drive with my left foot ( I borrowed my brother's automatic). :oD It was very nice to get into town... and be reminded of how dangerous the roads are on saturdays. I stopped by and said Hello to David, in at his church... (I'm glad you're home bro... missed you. :o) And I picked up some bacon and lean ground beef, and managed to get out of Thriftys without destroying anything (parking lot included).

I was thinking as I drove home about how easily I push God out of my mind. It puzzles me in a way... When I've got a really close friend, that person stays in my mind for alot of the time. I imagine what they'd say to different things I encounter, I picture their reactions to things, and even wish they were there with me to help me through interesting situations. Yet, God, who is with me always... I can completely forget about. :oO David was telling me about some things at camp, and he mentioned this guy, of whom he said prayer was the most important thing to him.
It wasn't really a new concept to me... (you and I have talked about it a number of times, Sarah) I know prayer should be something I habitually do. But I don't... How can I change that? I guess it's like I said... a habit. Thankfully Will doesn't have a CD deck in his car, so I didn't have any music on, and it gave me the chance to just talk openly and honestly with God about how I need to think of Him always. I want to be 'best friends' with Jesus... to the point where I start imagining Him beside me through every little detail of life.
*chuckles* Ashamedly, I have to admit, I would have tended to look at someone who talked with God always, no matter who is around, as being so out of touch or so lonely that the only person they could be close to was God. You know... kinda like the crazy old prospectors, in the movies, with the crow on their shoulder...
But in all seriousness... We are out of touch (and generally lonely) when we do not allow God to fill our thoughts. I wish I didn't care if people thought I was crazy for suggesting to pray in any circumstance... But I want to have God on my mind. I want to pray instictively... always.

...anyways... here we have a boy with a propensity for rambling... :oD

I should get on with my saturday I suppose. We've got a Youth Group meeting thing tonight, but for the rest, I think it's english. ;o)

Hope everyone is doing well! God bless!

So many blogs out there

...it's crazy... I didn't realize how big blogging was. :oO Thing is, there's so many out there that are packed with interesting stuff. *grins* Although I guess there is probably an equal number of them which are NOT packed with interesting stuff... ;o) Anyway...

I had the house to my self pretty much all day, up until an hour ago. I got basically nothing done; I was too busy wishing someone was around.
...My ankle is tired too, I think I over did it today. :oS It wasn't hurting at all this morning, so I started putting more weight on it... now it's not doing so well. Just gotta be patient I guess.
It's amazing how fast this summer is going. I'm going to need to start working soon I think, hopefully I'll be able to get work with an Electrician. We'll see though... If I can't, I'll probably be able to go back to landscaping a bit. It wouldn't be my preference though.
Makes me really thankful for the car we've got now, the gas is so much cheaper then the van was. I think that's partly the reason my bank account is lasting this long... ;o) Speaking of which... I wanna DRIVE again soon. I'm going batty sitting here for so long...

'Bill's Grave'

As it turns out, I found that third poem I was searching for... but only after I found three others with a different unifying theme, which I like much better. I've been reading Robert Service's works all morning... mostly the poems he wrote about war. Honestly, some of them are heart wrenching at best. I've got a new respect for older poetry... especially his.
Anyway... now I'm kinda liking this assignment, at least, in some small pathetic way. I still hate english though. ;o)

It looks like I'm going to be program for the upcoming camp, instead of Cabin leader. The decision was actually made for me... it seems I took too long in making my mind up, and apperently all the cabin leader positions are filled. So that leaves me on the program team, which I really don't mind. However, part of me regrets that I didn't make my mind up faster. I think I would have chosen cabin leader... simply because of how awesome that position is. But I know there will be great oppertunities to serve as a program person as well... I'm looking forward to it. (plus, there are some great advantages to being program... like really nice sleeping quarters (it's all relative ;o), and private showers...)
Just gotta keep remembering to pray for camp. If I learned anything the first time... it's that prayer before hand is definately a must.


The sun is scattering itself in blotches throughout the trees, making patches of light and dark greens... it's beautiful. *amused* Although... yesterday when it was really foggy and raining, I was going on about how much I liked fog. All weather has it's beauty... methinks.
And I'm getting hungry... REALLY hungry. I'm going to do grilled cheese for lunch... or at least try to. I'm still not supposed to be walking on my ankle. I refuse to hop around on one leg though, and since we haven't got crutches yet, it's all about limping around. :oD
I'm going crazy though... not having driven for days. With no prospects of being able to soon. Especially after seeing the Bourne Supremacy twice... really makes you wanna go driving.
*tries to content himself with going batty*
Patience may be a virtue, but having to exercise it is pure agony! My paintball gun STILL has not arrived. I'm certainly never going to order from that shop again... It's crazy.

...well, I think I've run out of stuff to ramble on about... One day I'll get around to making an attempt at expressing some deeper things. Promise. :o)

Pause

If You Had a Friend

If you had a friend strong, simple, true,
Who knew your faults and who understood;
Who believed in the very best of you,
And who cared for you as a father would;
Who would stick by you to the very end,
Who would smile however the world might frown:
I'm sure you would try to please your friend,
You never would think to throw him down.
And supposing your friend was high and great,
And he lived in a palace rich and tall,
And sat like a King in shining state,
And his praise was loud on the lips of all;
Well then, when he turned to you alone,
And he singled you out from all the crowd,
And he called you up to his golden throne,
Oh, wouldn't you just be jolly proud?
If you had a friend like this, I say,
So sweet and tender, so strong and true,
You'd try to please him in every way,
You'd live at your bravest -- now, wouldn't you?
His worth would shine in the words you penned;
You'd shout his praises . . . yet now it's odd!
You tell me you haven't got such a friend;
You haven't? I wonder . . . What of God?

-Robert W. Service

Courage

...what a word huh? I tend to apply it more to movie heros then to ordinary people. But I think I need to cut and paste it into my life as one of the highest of virtues... to strive for.
Mom showed me this verse this morning as we were doing devotions together...


"...Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."
Joshua 1:9 (The Message)

Learning to appreciate both ankles

Had to stay home from church today, which is kinda annoying. Yesterday I rolled my ankle while getting ready to play the second paintball game of the day... It was rediculous... It would've been okay if I'd done it while running under fire to an objective or something :oD ...but no, I had to manage it whilest *walking*. Talented doesn't even begin to describe it.
...My cousin is over for the weekend, which is awesome. He's always fun to do stuff with, especially when you're in a mood for humour. ;o) I'm here all alone though, till later this afternoon, 'cause they're all going to my grandma's for lunch. *sits forelornly wishing he could drive* I was really hoping to take dad to see the Bourne Supremecy today, but I guess it'll have to be another day.... :oS

Suppose I should get some more school done this morning, I've basically taken this month off. Nice in a way, but it's definately time to finish things off! *decides not to mention the long P word* I also gotta clean my room - hard with only one leg - 'cause I'll never get any work done if I don't. Plus... I need some more coffee or tea or something...
Lots to say here, but I shall save it for a later time... ;o)

GB!